Sunday 25th May 2008 at CRAWLEY RFC |
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NEWSFLASH:
There seem to be rumours that this years event is either not going ahead or has been fully subscribed.
These rumours are NOT true.
THIS EVENT IS STILL GOING AHEAD AND PLACES ARE AVAILABLE.
If you have entered in previous years and not yet received an invite please contact us as many of the contact emails are no longer working.
With less that two weeks before this event, please complete your entry now.
Download an entry form below.
Please download and include a Gift Aid Form with your entry.
Get some fund raising underway to be able to bribe the judges on the day.
Last years major fund raisers Sutton Hags and Wags have come up with some cracking ideas to boost the amount donated to Chase. These will be published soon.
The supported charity can be viewed at www.chasecare.org.uk
I will try and keep you up to date from these pages.
KEEP EATING THOSE PIES.
Silver.
DOWNLOADS
2008 Application Form
Gift Aid Form
2008 Invitation
2008 Poster
Continue below for past events.
Sunday 27th May 2007
A FANTASTIC DAY MARRED ONLY BY THE WEATHER.
Total amount given to CHASE was a fantastic £6420.50 Many thanks must go to the Sutton Wags and Hags that were able to bribe the judge on the day with around £2500. The money was raised with some pre-event fund raising. A further £320 of pledges has also been given to the hospice on their behalf with reference to this event. WELL DONE.
A special thanks to all our sponsors (more details to follow).
View this years photos to witness the legendary skills of the following teams
Bristol Allsorts, AylesfordsNot So Spring Boks, London Scottish RFC, Westcliff RFC, St Francis RFC, St Francis Barbarians, Seven Stadlens, Sittingbourne Relics Society, Fatscray RFC, Inflatable Fatties CRFC, Cheltenham Civil Service RFC, Shoreham RFC, Dorchester RFC, WestCombe Waddlers, Sutton Hags, Sutton Wags, Benenden Big Boys, Bobby Peelers FlatFoot Seven, Hellingly Loonies, Chunky RoadRunners, Pentasia Living the Dream Seven, CRFC Chairmans Select, Transvestites R Us, Bull'S hitters, Perky's Piglets, Emons LadyLads, X Factor Fatboys, St Francis 2's,
Click here for LAST years tongue in cheek Flash site (broadband users)
View the photos from the last years event
If you do miss out on our event here is another that's starting to use the scales
A Report of the last years event
Crawley FatBoy Sevens 2006
By Silver ...Photos by Moo
St FRANCIS ATE ALL THE PIES.
Sunday morning saw around 18 tons of ripple-less muscle and wobbly buttocks turn up to play the Crawley Fatboy Sevens Rugby Tournament at Willougby Fields in an attempt to raise money for Christopher’s Children’s Hospice
The tournament is designed for the older less athletic player and has a handicap system which favours them. Players are awarded 0.3 points (for or against) for each year they are above or below 35 years of age. They are also awarded 0.5 points (for or against) for each kilogram they are above or below 102 kg (16 stone in English). This attempts to ensure that a team of 60 year old players with well above average cellulite content should be able to beat the Fijian National team.
The Weigh in
As each player took to the scales to be given a handicap they could also claim some bonus points valued according to the hilarity of any costumes that they wore.
All players that were both under 35 years and 102 kg were required to wear fancy dress, and apart from Spiderman they all seemed to favour ladies attire. This helps to confirm the fact that this event is the finest rugby sevens tournament for lumbering old men and transvestites.
Pool rounds
The 16 teams were split into 4 pools of 4 and the games began at just after 11.00 am after a warm up of several bacon rolls and a glass of their favourite tipple. The pool games were used to build up an appetite for the lunch time Hog Roast and also to split the groups for the final stages in the afternoon.
The pool stages soon proved that the younger lighter teams were going to struggle with their handicaps. Shoreham in particular found that winning a game against the old lumbering teams in their pool was an impossible task and tried repeatedly to bribe the judges, a ploy that almost worked in the later rounds. Crawley Trany’s also struggled and became very frustrated as their tights gained more and more ladders, their make up became smudged and one of them even broke a nail.
The Chairman’s side were fined £5 and given a 20 point disadvantage when they smuggled on an unregistered player dressed in a Sumo costume, an on the pitch medical confirmed the player to be female. She was asked to leave the field of play but later returned to administer first aid to an injured player by way of a hand to mouth burger break.
Knockout stage
After a lunch of several hog rolls, burgers and beer, the afternoon knockout round began. The eight sides contesting the main trophy contained mainly teams that have taken part in the competition before and understood how to pick a well balanced side that worked well within the handicap system, lots old fat men with a splattering of youth and even the odd old fit guy.
Paddies Porkers made the Trophy Semi final by having the better handicap in their game against Benemden Big Boy’s. Both teams scored 24 points in this quarter final and it was only the few extra fatties that got them through.
The other quarter finals were very close affairs with Haywards Heath beating Hellinglly Loonies by 8 points after starting 23-0 down, one Heath player offered to play the match naked in an attempt to lower the staring score but his team members said that they would rather start 100 points down than have to suffer the horror of what he was intending to uncover. St Francis A finished 3 points up on Westcliff after a 5-0 start and Crawley Chairman’s managed to stay just 2 points in front of East Grinstead after beginning the game with a massive 36 point lead.
Crawley Chairman’s then met Paddies Porkers in the Semi and were tied at full time. The tie was broken by playing up to 3 further minutes of extra time with the first scorers being pronounced the winners. It was while the Chairman’s were discussing the merits of getting in the bar for a drink that Porkers seized the moment to run in the winning try after only 8 seconds of extra time.
The Trophy Final turned out to be a local derby with Paddies Porkers playing St Francis A. Porkers play out of the host club and St Francis from a small hut situated somewhere on Southgate playing fields, also in Crawley.
This was the 3rd time the Porkers have made the final and they were dismayed with the 23 point advantage awarded to the Saints. There were mutterings of a handicap enquiry but as this would have cost a great deal of cash the judges were never officially approached, and as Porkers have won this event on the two previous occasions, would have been a total waste of their money.
The final was a musical affair with hey fatty bum bum lip up fatty and I like the way you move accompanying the many try’s that were scored, but on the final whistle it was St Francis A team that held the lead and were justifiably crowned this years FatBoys.
The plate competition was left with only 3 teams when Holbrook lost some players suffering with indigestion which forced the organiser to sell a bye into the final. Sutton Bouncers snapped up the chance of a free ride into the Plate final for £5, not to be outdone; Fatscray and Westcombe Park paid £5 each for the right to play each other in the semi. Sutton Bouncers went on to win the Plate final beating Westcombe Park with assistance from the handicap.
The Jug competition saw the three younger lighter sides, St Francis B, Shoreham and Crawley Trany’s taking on Aylesford 5th who by their own confession have always been to old, to fat and skill-less to play sevens. Shoreham bribed the judge with £30 to lower their starting handicap by 30 points, but it was only fair that Aylesford be given the right to respond. They did so admirably by re-bribing the judge with £50 to restore their starting score against Shoreham to 54-0 in Aylesford’s favour. This ploy managed to secure them victory in the Jug Final, for which they received a Jug of beer as their reward.
Big ball
All the play off competitors were offered the opportunity to play their matches with a giant size rugby ball and many of them took this up which again added to the hilarity of the day. It is with much sadness I need to add that even with a ball two feet long some of the players
still managed to drop it.
MVP
There was an award for the Most Valuable Player which went to Goose. His solo effort of combining his age and weight earned his team a massive 36 point start just by stepping on the pitch.
He also contributed to the charity a further £70+ in fines collected from a golf day that he organised, and yet again by donating a brand new London Wasps Shirt which he managed to get signed by all the Wasps squad.
This shirt was auctioned off after the finals and was won by a telephone bidder for a fantastic £250,….. Thanks Donna from Haywards Heath. Amongst other items auctioned was a £5 gift voucher that was won and re-donated several times making it worth around £30 to the charity.
Everyone that attended this event was absolutely magnificent with their support throughout the day. Fines were issued for many things, bringing your own food and drink; playing football at a rugby club, wearing catching gloves on the field of play, using the water sport facility (jumping in the river), not dancing, dancing badly and many more and these were paid straight away without question.
Two Haywards Heath players fined themselves for playing for Haywards Heath. Another player was fined for turning up at the wrong rugby club,……which wasn’t even a rugby club, but my house.
Sussex Referee’s Society supplied the refs which did an excellent job in officiating the day’s proceedings. It was fantastic that they all took on the spirit of the day with the final be officiated by a strange looking toff in an outfit last seen in 1823 when William Webb Ellis first picked up the ball and ran with it. Little did he know then of the horrors that would be created in an event that is becoming internationally known as the Crawley FatBoy Sevens
The whole event raised money for the Chase Foundation which supports Christopher’s Children’s Hospice. (www.chasecare.org.uk)
And thanks to the overwhelming generosity of all in attendance the net profit to be passed to Chase is £1400. A breakdown of this will be posted soon, along with a photo gallery of the day.
Many, many thanks to all of you that volunteered you services for the day, without you this fantastic day out for lumbering old men and their transvestite friends would not have been possible.
Next years event will be held on Sunday 27th May 2007 and anybody wishing to take part or sponsor this event, in anyway at all, should contact Steve Silver 07973 192318. Owners of bouncy castles, hog roasters, raffle prizes, t-shirt manufacturers, printers, weight-watchers and Slimfast to name but a few. We would dearly love to be able to weigh a whole team in one go so if you can help please contact the organiser.
Anyone interested in joining Crawley Rugby Club as either a playing or social member can get more details from www.crawleyrfc.co.uk , by calling the clubhouse (01293) 533995 or by just turning up.
Crawley run teams from under 8’s all the way up to the just breathing FatBoys.
The first Crawley FatBoySevens took place on Sunday 23rd May 2004.
It was a huge success for lumbering old men and also for the charity that they support
(By Steve Silver)
Sunday 23-05-04
A HANDICAPPED EVENT FOR THE LESS ATHLETIC OLDER PLAYER.
Out of 16 teams entered only one failed to turn up without giving notice and with one other side pulling out on the Thursday prior to the event a barbarians team was hurriedly assembled but this now meant that Crawley, the host side, now had a larger presence in the tournament now fielding 3 teams.
The weigh in took longer than expected but flowed quite smoothly.
Most sides suddenly realized that the few younger and lighter player's brought along were going to be a severe handicap.
With the bench mark set at 16 stone and 35 years of age as a zero point handicap the light 28 year olds were giving away 30 to 40 points each losing 2pts per year and 5pts per half stone.
Those that arrived in fancy dress were suitable reimbursed, but for Sutton and Epsom's Under Sexies (named as they all coach the Under 6's team) being dressed as ‘ugly old ladies of the night’ was still not enough to get them below a minus 40-point start. They did however manage to make the semi-finals and were marginally beaten by the eventual winners of the tournament.
It was sometimes hard to pick out the referee during their games as he too had entered into the spirit of the day by turning up drag.
Two auctions were furiously contested during the weigh in when Antonio, a 28 stone 38 year old Italian giant turned up without a side to play for and clutching £200 in entrance donations.
He was snapped up to play for the ladies of Sutton and Epsom for an outrageous sum of money and may have been a contributing factor in the length of time they stayed in the competition
The second auctioned player 'Mr Richardson' (a 70 years young 20 stoner) was snapped up for £50 by Shoreham to try and ease the minus 119 point burden they accrued. Mr Richardson's wife later donated the first prize she won in the raffle to auction, which raised a further £100.
Hellingly Loonies were to be a tough side to beat as they turned up with most of their players meeting the qualifying criteria but unfortunately for the other sides proved to be the only Fit Fat Boys unlike most other teams that spent a lot of time analyzing the merits of a third 'hog roll' and a pint before weighing in
East Grinstead turned up with what they thought was a well rounded side of lumbering old men and were so dismayed with the amount of handicap points awarded to the ringers that they tried to sneak past the scales, that they promptly sent out for a set of antlers to each play in, this ploy managed to return them with around 20 points. For them though this was not enough, as the prospect of watching the cup final in the bar became a more favored option than progressing into the knockout finals of our competition.
Crawley’s Chairman’s Select side needed to issue their opposite numbers with sunglasses before each game as their fluorescent orange shirts they had specially made were blinding to say the least. They arrived keen to win the tournament but the chairman’s weight of 10 stone-wringing wet proved a slight handicap along with the draw of the bar showing the big match.
It was during their game with the Norfolk Arm’s that a 25 stone prop from each side decided to take on a chair each and sit down for a chat rather than run around it the mid day sun.
With Haywards Heath’s two teams, Royal Sun Alliance, Norfolk Arms, Greenwich, Reigate and Saint Francis all fielding older Fat Boys there has been a call to give more bonus points for players above the qualifying weight and age presently 5pts bonus over 20 stone, 5pts over 50 years old and 10pts over 65, a request that will probably be put in place next year.
It was good to see a side from Oxted and Godstone take part, as it was from them that the idea of the Crawley Fat Boy Sevens came about as they used to run a similar tournament many years ago.On receiving their handicap they offered to field a player on crutches to try and reduce it and give them some hope of winning a game.
They have offered some new ideas for the handicap system, which will also be considered for next year’s event.
The final game of the day came down to a playoff between two Crawley sides (to the embarrassment of the organizer) and Crawley Lights started with a one-point lead over The Barbarians.
It was closely fought throughout with ‘superman’ and ‘superwoman’ finding their latex costumes to be a bad choice given the heat of the day, but a couple of late tries saw the Lights win by 32 –19.
The final might have been marred slightly when the ugly old hags of Sutton and Epsom shed their garments and streaked. It was then we realized that we had been duped and they were in fact just fat ugly old men but the £220 raised for the streak eased what could have been a traumatic experience for many!
The winner’s were presented with their trophy and a 2-foot high chocolate bunny by Crawley’s England Internationals, Steve Bloxham (England Deaf) and Helen Chapman (England U/19 Women).
The standard of rugby turned out to be as expected for the older, less athletic player but did achieve the unexpected in that it was aired on the TV amongst reports of the Heineken Cup.
For me one of the most disturbing sights of the day was to see the huge Builder’s Bum of a St Francis player shown to a national audience. Not Pretty!
Everyone enjoyed the day with all the sides promising to return next year.
The amount collected for the Children’s Hospice Association ‘CHASE’ looks to be in the region of £2500 following a generous donation from a local landlord and an auction for an England shirt signed by all the Harlequin player’s involved in Jason Leonard’s last game. The shirt was donated by a Crawley club member, won by another member, and promptly donated to the club,……. Thanks Goose.
Given that the tournament was only expected to raise £1000 in its conception, the actual sum raised proved what a great success the day was, thanks to the generosity of all that attended
The organization of the event only started 6 weeks ago and the level of interest generated has prompted the organizer Steve Silver to begin arranging next year’s event immediately.
www.crawleyrfc.co.uk
The supported charity can be viewed at www.chasecare.org.uk
To just view the photographs of the day with the option to purchase go to www.antbliss.com
Tel:+447973 192318 Fax:o Email:steveasilver@aol.com
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